Tag Archives: death

Onion article

Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy

MENA, AR—After an extensive three-month-long search, the Polk County Sheriff’s Department located missing 9-year-old Joshua Meyers in an abandoned home, rescued the child from his captors, and returned him to his loving parents, the still bound and gagged boy imagined Tuesday.

According to the kidnapped child’s imagination, Meyers was liberated from his abductors when 30 law enforcement agents swooped down from helicopters, crashed through the windows of the basement where he was being kept, and carried the desperate third-grader away to safety.

Blocking out the sight and stench of his surroundings, the boy’s imagination went on to report that Meyers was led by authorities into the arms of his overjoyed parents—a complete fantasy the 9-year-old was somehow able to conjure up despite the fact that he was lying face down on a filthy concrete floor, his arms and legs restrained by rope.

“I’m so happy to be free,” said a delirious Meyers, the sound of his voice muffled by the sock stuffed deep inside his mouth. “I knew my Mom and Dad would never stop looking for me. I knew they would find me.”

“They said everything is going to be all better now,” continued Meyers, disregarding strict orders from his captors to quiet down and stop moaning. “And that nothing like what happened back there will ever happen to me again.”

In his weak and weary mind, Meyers was then swaddled in a warm blanket, placed in the front seat of the sheriff’s car, and served hot chocolate with both marshmallows and whipped cream. Emergency medical technicians, envisioned by the shivering, emaciated child, reportedly examined Meyers’ injuries and determined that they were not life threatening and would not leave any physical or emotional scars.

“It’s over!” the kidnapped child said, his sudden exclamation sending several large rats scurrying from between his feet.

Following his fictitious rescue, the 9-year-old boy was driven to the Supreme Court, where he pointed out his abductors, sentenced them to a million years in jail, and was rewarded with a brand new bike for all he had been through. According to Meyers’ vivid imagination, he also received a formal apology from his captors, who admitted that they should never have dragged the boy away from his mother, blindfolded him in the trunk of their car, or told him that they were going to kill his dog if he didn’t cooperate.

“We are bad men and we know that what we did was wrong, but we were afraid Joshua would beat us up if we untied him,” said Ed Jackson, a mental composite of the three men currently keeping watch over the severely dehydrated and hallucinating child. “Sorry, Josh. Maybe you’d feel better if we gave you the gazillion dollars we took from your parents.”

“And the little pinkie finger you miss so much,” he added.

Meyers’ imagination, once used to play with his G.I. Joe action figures, then conjured up one last fleeting daydream, in which the boy, seated at the dinner table, was surrounded by his mother and father, his little brother Henry, and a warm viscous fluid that kept running out of his mouth.


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Stupid people that make me angry: 8-year old die becuse of stupid parents


LONDON – Eight-year-old Sophie Waller cracked a baby tooth eating candy, and set off the chain of events that led to her death.

Sophie refused to open her mouth for a dentist so doctors at her local hospital took out the tooth in an operation, one of the doctors told a coroner’s inquest. They removed all seven of her other baby teeth at the same time to avoid the need for future operations, the doctor said.

After the surgery Sophie refused to eat or even open her mouth for her parents, the couple told the inquest. But she was sent home anyway, and starved to death three weeks after the operation.

Janet Waller said she and her husband phoned the hospital to express concern about Sophie’s weight loss and refusal to eat, and were told not to bring her in, but to talk to the community child psychologist assigned to the case.

In short:

  • Dentist pulls 7 teeth for convenience and without consent from the parents
  • The psychologist being totallt retarded and wont acknowledge the problem
  • Stupid parents that do nothing while their child eats nothing for three weeks

Wow, how do things like this really happen? It seems that the parents tried to enquire about the issue with their daughter but come on, how do you let it go so far that the kid starves to death?! And all the idiotic advice they were recieveing, or the refusal to acknoledge a problem.

The girl sounds like she had psychological issues and it probably was painful to remove 7 teeth at once. Not to mention that she was probably embarrassed to go back to school with a mouth without theeth.

In this case I totally blame the parents. Yes they heard from the doctors and their psychologist that it was ok for her losing a ton in weight and that it was ok  that she hasnt eaten in three weeks (all of these advices were given to the parents without the doctors or psychologist seeing her even once). BUT at some point in time the parents should have realized that their daughter can’t survive on nothing and they should have made sure that their child got some sort of sustenance the same day! It could be through force feeding if it had to. And they should have dragged themselves to the hospital and got her professional help immediatley.

These parents shouldn’t be allowed to have more kids and the doctors should have their license invoked.

Stupid people!!


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Israeli legislative election, 2009

Incompetent fool

Incompetent fool

So, tomorrow Israel is holding their legislative elections. Last-minute israeli polls predict that Benjamin Netanyahu’s Likud Party will win. Benjamin is a super right wing conservatist that will just act as a hawk instead of trying to achieve peace or atleast cool down the region. He is the George W Bush of Israel. Nothing good will come out of him ruling the country.

But all hope is not lost becasue he is not an ideologue, he is just a cowardly opportunist who thought that running on a hard line plattform would be th easiest way to get elected. This means that the new Obama administration in the US can and should pressure him to do the right thing. But unfortunately he has been a PM earlier and he was probably the most incompetent PM in teh histroy of Israel. So it’s safe to assume that harsh times are ahead on all fronts.

The good news is that Netanyahu is not an ideologue, he’s a spineless opportunist who figured out running on a hard line platform is the easiest way to get elected. This means that the US can and should pressure him to do the right thing. Also historically, it was always the right wingers who removed settlements, as it is a political impossibility for a liberal government to do so.
The bad news is that he was probably the most incompetent PM in the history of Israel, so it’s safe to assume that rough times are ahead on all fronts.

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2 Afghans face death over translation of the Quran



I find things like this very stupid. What happened  is that 2 men tranlsated the Quran into one of Afghanistans local languages but without including the original arabic text alongside the translation. This lead to clerics going angry and started accusing the translators of trying to anoint themselves as a prohpets by trying to replace the Quran instead of just offer a simple translation. So now the 2 translators are on a deathrow.

There are many things I find stupid with this way of behaving. The original intention of the translators was to provide a Quran that would be useful to Afghans who didn’t now Arabic, and they included a note that gave permission to reprint the text as long a it was distributed for free. So money wasn’t their goal.

But the thing is that the Quran is seen as the eternal word of God and the belief is that it simply cannot be translated. It can only be loosely approximated. And the translators probably knew that, but that still doesn’t justify killing them. So it boils down to muslim clerics possessing too much power and them following the Sharia law, which is rather brutal in my opinion. Even if they added new things from themselves in the translation they shouldn’t be killed.

Now you probably ask why we dont hear about Jewish, Christian, Hindu or other communities threatening death over mistranslations of their important writing. The answer is that there are fundamentalist Jews and Christians that would love to kill people for blasphemy, gayness or other stupid reasons. The only difference is that there is no place in the world where they hold as much power as these muslim clerics possess.

I can only see a way out of this mess in the arabic world if the state and religion is seperated so that clerics possess lesser power and in doing so they wont be able to do as much damage as they are doing now.


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